Fact or self-fiction: Hiding out after disappointment
Surely there’s not an adult alive who hasn’t been served a cold, hard platter of disappointment. Life happens (and so does Shit); the pawpaw (or is it a mango?) hits the fan; we strike out, wipe out, burn out… Sometimes - and oftentimes, as fate would have it - disappointments converge in a spectacular way: The fruit basket hits the fan, we wipe out and fall into a pile of Life (see what I did there?). It reminds me of an old family saying: “Things break in threes.” My feeling is that disappointments often come in threes, too.
It’s really hard putting yourself out there, especially when that leap of faith ends in disappointment.
Earlier this year, following a few (two!!) unfortunate disappointments, I put myself out there again. I painted Fight or Flight (above) with the intention of entering it into a prestigious international juried competition -- the same competition where one of my artworks did exceptionally well last year. I carefully planned my timeline, hunted down a reference photo that truly inspired me, and threw myself into the painting with gusto. For weeks, I poured my heart and soul into the piece, pushing far beyond my usual limits to finish it before the deadline. By the time I submitted it (just in time!), I was utterly exhausted, but exhilarated too. I had set my mind to something, worked my ass off, and created what I genuinely believed could be an award-winning artwork.
But alas… It wasn’t even selected as a finalist...!
For months, I’ve avoided listing the original painting in my online shop. Yet while sharing the creation process on social media, I received such lovely feedback from followers that I had to ask myself why I was so reluctant to actually offer it for sale.
The answer was really yucky: I’m embarrassed.
Not being selected hit hard. It made me question the quality of a piece I was deeply proud of. Suddenly it seemed “lesser than”. A failure. And, in turn, I started doubting my worth as an artist. Ouch.
Saving grace -- I could hear my wonderful business coach’s voice in my head: “Corinne, is that a fact, or is that a lie you’re telling yourself?”
It’s a lie, Coach Dani.
The fact is that my ego has been bruised. Hiding my artwork away is simply an emotional reaction designed to protect me from further disappointment. The fact is that I created something good. People’s opinions will vary (as they always do about everything!), and that’s okay. My opinion matters. More importantly, the opinion of the person who will inevitably fall in love with this piece matters most.
And so, I’m finally done hiding Fight or Flight in the shadows - it's listed in my online shop (along with limited edition, fine art prints)!
One day it will find its forever home, and when it does, I’ll send it off with a little pang of longing. Not because it won a competition, but because my hope, determination, frustration, growth, and love live within every brushstroke. That’s the funny thing about creating something you love: Eventually, you have to let it fly!
Check out the time-lapse creation video of this piece here!
See Fight or Flight in my online shop:
